so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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