I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I intend to get homeless drunk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
