just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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