I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have demons in me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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