I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
