dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
