I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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