Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
