hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
