fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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