Pappa wants mamma naked
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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