i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
