I just threw up on my dentist
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
