quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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