Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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