and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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