That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
