last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
