i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
