The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
