ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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