Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
