my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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