and she was petting her beer can
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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