remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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