I think I died a long time ago.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
