Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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