you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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