Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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