Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
