She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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