Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
