And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
