I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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