I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
