Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
