i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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