dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
