Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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