he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
