okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
God, I missed his penis.
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