there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i now understand why vodka
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