I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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