I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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