Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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