Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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