Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
