i think my tv is drunk
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
