North Korea, Best Korea!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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