Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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