Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
