Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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