dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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