That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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