a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.