The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword