I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really