I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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