no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
