just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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