He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dear god my vagina.
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