Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
