6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
