He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
