I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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