I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.