All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!