I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
