you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
