if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
