No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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