nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
honey bunches of taint.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
