dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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